An Unexamined Life…

I’m obsessed with Fight Club. I can’t count the number of times I’ve watched it anymore. The first time was at the theater. I went alone. I was so shocked, I stayed until the credits rolled off, walked out to my car. It was a life changing experience. The dissociation, so complete, so unconditional really scared me. The violence is really an accessory. The acceptance that we are not who we really think we are, because we can’t define ourselves by the standards of what is now socially indispensable through consumerism. That struggle is what brought the violence for the Narrator. But that can also apply to all aspects of our internal struggles.

I discovered that I have a Tyler Durden! She never comes out though. But she’s been giving me a hard time lately. And there are days when I can feel her just melt in me, spread her being throughout my body and my brain. I don’t think she really wants to come out anyway. She wants me to become her. So I’m asking myself, could it be that she’s really me and I’m her? Could it be that I’ve let myself dissapear inside another me?

I don’t think I’m becoming. I’m slowly coming to realize that I’ve been sleeping at the wheel, lucky enough to have an autopilot.