Fait chaud
Alors j’ai décidé de fêter ça avec un gros bol de crème glacée Coaticook à l’orange. La crème glacée Coaticook, c’est la meilleur au monde, point final. Écoeurez moi pas avec Ben & Jerry’s pis Hagen Chose m’en sacre. La Coaticook, au sucre d’érable, aux bleuets, au brisures de chocolat… mais surtout, surtout! à l’orange.
Je viens de vivre un épisode blogmad. Pas pour le traffic, vraiment, ça me dérange pas d’avoir 1 ou 100 lecteurs. Je pense que j’en ai environ 12 ou 15 réguliers, c’est le fun, je les aime tous 
Mais j’hais la barre de navigation de blogger. Next blog, c’est d’la marde. Alors là je peux choisir le genre de blogs que je browse. J’avais envie de voir d’autre chose, lire, lire, lire! J’ai trouvé une dizaine de nouveaux blogs que j’aime beaucoup. Là le site semble chrashé, mais c’est pas grave, j’en ai tiré ce que je voulais. J’ai quand même une quote de 6.75 sur varb, ce qui semble assez bon comparé à la moyenne, je suis flattée. J’ai aussi surfé sur top blogues et fait d’agréables découvertes
J’ai des fois l’impression de m’enfarger dans les mêmes sites, les mêmes places, où je ne me sens pas toujours à l’aise. Surtout les blogs en français. Finalement, j’avais juste pas trouvé le bon répertoire. De plus, même si j’écris surtout en anglais, j’aime lire en français. Je sais pas ce que j’ai ces temps-çi, j’écris toujours en anglais. Comme si la division était plus profonde, comme si une autre moi prennait place devant l’écran l’instant d’une montée de désespoir.
Les émotions n’ont pas de langues, mais les mots pour les exprimer, des fois, trouvent leur langue à eux. J’aimerais apprendre l’espagnol, l’allemand, le latin, le mandarin…
Là ça va, il fait beau, il fait chaud, la fin de semaine s’en vient, pis je mange de la Coaticook
Je me sens même un peu naughty…
Hotmail lags
I’ve been using hotmail forever. I don’t know 8, 9 years? I don’t know if it’s just me, but lately it’s been acting up. Some delays in delivery. Sometimes for up to 2 hours! Just tonight, I tested it, and there’s a 5 minutes lag when I send from Hotmail to Yahoo. I send from Yahoo, receive right away in Hotmail. But once in a while I will get that 60-90 minutes lag, usually when it’s something sent between Hotmail accounts.
Now, five minutes is not a big deal. It’s nothing actually. But anything over thirty minutes is ridiculous. I use both Lotus Notes (what a heap of shit that is) and Hotmail at work. And I am now considering switching totally to Yahoo. The main problem is that I can’t install Yahoo messenger at work, so I would have to keep a browser window opened at all times. I actually installed the Yahoo bar, and it gives me alerts when I have new mail. But I still have to have that window opened. And I’ve customized Hotmail so much over the years, folders, options, blocked senders, signatures, etc… just the thought of doing that all over again on depresses me. I would also have to alert all my contacts, which can be done quickly, but would require a lot of reminders as well.
I love Yahoo’s interface, it’s alot less busy. And all the options and folders are easily accesible, not tiny and buried under huge flashing banners. Yahoo is saying that you will be able to access your Hotmail account from there soon. That would be great.
It took me five minutes to switch from IE to Firefox (well, Mozilla at the time), but this change might take a while longer. But I think it will come, unless I’m not crazy and Hotmail is really having problems (right, like they’re going to tell us) and are working on it… Man I’m lazy.
It’s the thin skin under the thick one
But it’s all good. Damn if I can’t learn from my mistakes. I let things overwhelm me, inside. Never outside. I’m cool. I’m the fucking embodiment of cool. Inside, inside is where it’s going on.
Learning also to let enough shit to seep out, keep enough in. Balance. Oh, it gets heavier on this side here once in a while. But never enough that I loose sight of reality. Of the world outside.
Just add some fluff. Just add some light. Just add some laughs. And you got me. All of it.
Trapped
The escape I seeked seems to have taken over. Bigger than the situation. I was running away, hit a wall, found a secret door. I wish I didn’t enter at times. I wish I could stay inside too.
I fed the escape. Gave it more meaning, more importance than I should’ve. I fed the escape and now it won’t stop eating.
I think I might be trapped. And I’m very afraid.
Why did you come here?
It was just to see, just to see, all the things you knew, I’d written about you.
But you never came back. Still, you are around. Still, you talk.
The two worlds travel side by side. You are stuck in reality.
I am stuck in the words, again.
Images, moving images. Flying sounds carrying your voice.
I am surrounded by you, separated by the waves.
I made room, too much room when you leave.
One play, one role, one line.
Cut. Let’s get rid of the script, for once.
When the lights go down, when the make up comes off, let’s escape.
Take your path. To my parallel world.
My winter of discontent*
I was walking towards my car in the Home Depot parking lot. I had to buy a few things but walked out emtpy handed. I couldn’t make up my mind, didn’t like anything. I opened the car door, sat in, closed the door. The biggest sigh of my life came out of me like an elephant falling on its side. I looked outside, at the empty carts, the parked cars, the drizzle on the windshield.
-I’m tired of this fucking life. Sick and tired of it all.
Outloud, like that, it came out. No intonation, no emotion. Just a statement that needed to be said. Outloud.
I put the key in the ignition, started the car and pulled out of the parking space. Drove. Stopped at Blockbuster and got Halloween, From dusk till dawn and Ferris Buller’s day off. Drove some more, past my house, around the block, back to my house. Parked. Got out. Walked in.
Got on with my life.
It’s spring now.
*title credit: Jeliel
