An Unexamined Life…

Deleted. Not yet. Not quite. Coming back. Regaining some kind of human form. The deletion amplifying as my mind eases into a comfortable position.  Like passes. Like a file cleaner. How many passes should I allow? Complete irradication. Or traces. Lost file fragments. Things are starting to make sense again. Reality is not hiding, not [...]

Je sais pas trop d'où l'idée m'est venue. Mais entre le sofa et la chaise, entre la clope pis le joint. La fin de Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (plate), le générique qui défile à mach 2, mon gmail notifier qui fait un saut. Les pas entre ces deux mondes m'ont fait oublier la [...]

C'est pas le moment. C'est pas les butchs de cigarettes. C'est pas la toune. C'est pas la lumière du lampadaire sur la chaise. C'est pas l'écho des images. C'est pas l'air des mots abandonnés. C'est pas le combat qui m'a achevée. C'est pas les traces que la folie a laissé. C'est pas la vision sur [...]

What's funnier? Steve Martin pretending to care on SNL or Johnny Knoxville shopping a taxidermist for his grand mother? Exactly. Watched Amadeus today, with the volume way up. What happend to Tom Hulce anyway? Right now Kenny Rogers is urging me to buy the Superstars of Country Collection, for the pleasure of listening to Ray [...]

Well, if you're travelin' in the north country fair, Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline, Remember me to one who lives there. She once was a true love of mine. Well, if you go when the snowflakes storm, When the rivers freeze and summer ends, Please see if she's wearing a coat so [...]

I heard it. I turned around and watched it finish it's course at my feet. The tree fell. The ground wavered. The roots ripped open the earth and I cried. Infernal noise as tendrils of life let go of the giving soil. My shouts muffled, green leaves spilling their tears in my mouth.  The branches [...]

Depuis dimanche matin que j'y pense. Que j'ai l'article* plié placé à côté de mon moniteur. Toute la journée des bribes me reviennent. Surtout celle là: "…Plus rien ne choque personne. À moins de se voir dans un miroir pour la première fois.". Oh. Ainsi donc ça arrive aux autres aussi… Je relis l'article ce [...]

I said I suck at maths and it's true. So for me, one plus one, that doesn't always equal 2. Eventually yes. With time, understanding the mechanics that led me to the wrong answer, yes, it can make 2. One. And one. If the ones are the same, then two is a big fat pile [...]

I might make it. Soon. Thank you for your comments.  They gave, give me strenght.  This space here, in a year has brought me to face many emotions. Many events. But the real thing, life, is the most powerful and painful miror of them all. 

Life has sucked me in. It has no intention of spitting me out right now. I'm lost, very lost, in the deepest hole I've ever been in. I might stay silent for another day, or a week, I don't know. Everything I have, I am giving this hole, in hopes to fill it. It might [...]

The edges are blurred and I wonder, no, I ponder. I still have questions, too many with answers stapled to their backs. I have many things going for me. I have many things I keep close to my heart that surely one day will destroy me. Beyond the scratch at the roof of my mouth [...]

Something. Something in the history that we wanted to write. That will never make it in the books. Jumping was the easy part. But climbing out became our daily gamble. What was there to lose but frowns upon our good life? Sill, stalled on the lips of the well, sitting and waiting and thinking about [...]

One good man    J'enlève un écouteur, le temps de lui demander. Parce que j'ai pas envie de me ramasser au mauvais étage, perdue.  -S'cuse, les livres en anglais, c'est toujours en bas? -Oui, juste à droite en descendant. Remet l'écouteur. M'enligne sur les escaliers. Prudente. J'aurais peut-être pas du fumer le joint au complet. [...]

I just don't see the point of doing anything. Whatever I do, I seem to be taking the wrong steps. I feel like I'm the end of my rope right now. Again. I'm mostly pissed off about what I write. I'm whinny. I'm negative. I'm lonely. I'm nothing. Fuck. (yeah, that sounds like a great [...]

Je suis tellement désolée. Tellement. Pour ton bonheur parti. Pour l'ironie de la situation. Après le fait. Quand tout est fini. Désolée parce que t'as jamais su à quel point je t'ai détesté, à quel point j'me suis haĩe. Si tu l'avais su, tu comprendrais. Mais j'suis pas capable d'haĩr. J'suis pas capable de vouloir [...]