Realities
So many thoughts I'm trying to carry through. It used to be of pain, loneliness, my inadequacies, my insecurities. It used to be about the then and some now. A lot of now actually. I haven't been able to focus or concentrate much lately. It's like I've fallen out of touch with my head.
There's something there. I wonder, maybe it's just because I've dealt enough. I've examined enough. The things that I was looking into. Trying to understand. Maybe all I had to understand I have. I used to feel drowned. Life was begging to quit. So I looked. And tried to pull myself out by dealing. Admitting. Facing. What's left might be asking to be put to rest.
Familiarity. As though I do not want to quit the comfortable surroundings of my depression. I don't need a fucking doctor to tell me what it was. And it all rested on one single line. One single phrase. Oh the paths I took to get here.
Now I am looking at new thoughts, new feelings. The unknown. I have no idea how to deal with these. It's easy to talk about the most painful emotions, when it's all you know. I'm all talked out about them. I'm left speechless before the new.
Hope. Love. Happiness. Fuck I'm getting sappy. Hope I now have. Happiness I will get, bursts of light, moments, that's fine.
Love. That's fearsome. To recognize my need for it. Nothing special there… maybe. But how can I ever understand, accept this? To want it. Want it so fucking bad that I'm leaving everything else behind? I might never get it. I might miss the rest of what I have. But I will not… I will not die without giving myself the chance to live with the possibility.
I don't even know how to dream about this. How to write, create, be inspired. I'm afraid. Paralyzed. It's right there, on the verge of knowledge, I hang, I hover. I'm letting go without knowing if there ever will be something else to grasp.
I miss being able to touch the intangible, caress ghosts and float above my well. I want to dive back in, regardless of the cold. But I won't. As with all my hurdles, my changes, my insanities, I will embrace this moment, try to make the most of it. This is real. This I can touch. I can smell. That might be the most frightening thing of all. Reality.
to fear, to heard. To heal, to fire. The aswer you give, the lecon you take. Possibility, turn right, turn left.
Nothing really matters.
Just love.
Love babe.
xxx
I will not die without giving myself the chance to live with the possibility
yes.yes.yes:)
Je ne peux m’empêcher de penser aux paroles d’April Wine:
It’s the end, it’s a start
And we can get there if we try
And I wanna live if I have to die
sans aucun rapport
sans m’annoncer
juste z’au cas ou
voila:
t’avais bien réussi à le donwloader le CD de Dame Galas?
le serveur sur lequel il était faisait dans l’un peu tantinet pocheton et j’ai eu à les uploader ailleurs pour une amie. Alors si t’en a besoin je te les refile, y’a qu’à me tourlouper un signe et j’te les envoie.
Pat
im so glad i found u
x
ma soeur, my love, je t’aime fort xxx
face: always nice to see you here. go get her now! grab her. we’ll get there I know, we will.
pourquoi moi?:
PatCaza: t’as ta réponse. pas besoin de t’annoncer, ni d’avoir rapport.
valentia: finally got around to reading you. I’m glad too… very much so. you’re welcome here, anytime.
pourquoi moi: scuze! je voulais dire, merci pour la toune!
bon ben,
sans m’annoncer et pour ce qui est d’avoir rapport…
merci, ça me fait moins de pression…
tiens, j’pense que t’aimeras mieux ça, j’ai découvert y’a quelques semaines et il joue en boucle dans mon système depuis, la track 2, celle que j’ai mis les paroles est ma préférée.
tourloup’
http://rapidshare.com/files/4302338/Flat_Baroque___Berserk-1970.rar.html
ok, cool, ça dld là. j’écoute ce soir. merci beaucoup! et pis merci pour le lien
Intangible, incompréhenble, intouchable, innarêtable.. le temps passe, la vague revient. Ou est ma graive?
Reality is hard to deal with, which is why so few choose to do it.
It gets easier hon, especially when you have people that care about you and you do.