A bump in the road

I haven't had a crying fit in a while. In weeks. I cried so much, every night, every day, in October and November. I was pretty much all cried out. And I've been doing pretty good lately, despite my situation. The unknowns, fears, insecurities. And it's building up, it's there like a growing cloud. And I smile, and I smile and I fucking smile. Yes, everything is fine, thanks, I'm great, I feel better than I have in ages…

And this morning, it's right there. On the brim. On the verge. One word and I will crash. I know. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to feel this anymore. But it looks like I'm not done dealing with this shit. It's huge, the real thing. And the pressure, and the responsabilities I'm taking on, and and and. Fuck I need to cry. It's just a door I don't dare open at this moment. I have no idea where this one will lead me.

I'm a little lost right now.

3 Responses to “A bump in the road”

  1. Meth the Meth En dit que:
    January 12th, 2007 at 3:26 pm

    Hang on there, p-e va te faire une séance de bronzage en canne, je te jure, peut importe la source de tes blues, ça redonne un peu de courage.

  2. Quartz En dit que:
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:12 pm

    Coping is a pain because it always takes twice the time you’d like it to take, and it doesn’t matter how much you KNOW how damn better off you are and how fucking fine you’ll be and how right what you’re doing is, because you can’t rationalize things you can’t get ahold of.

  3. swan_pr En dit que:
    January 12th, 2007 at 6:26 pm

    the meth: t’as raison. bonne idée. j’y vais à peu près une fois aux trois ans loll! mais sérieux, j’ai même pas pensé à ça. en passant, j’ai lu ça et pensé à toi: http://www.neatorama.com/2007/01/12/study-on-procrastination-finally-published-5-years-late/
    merci :)

    quartz: aarrrhhhhggg. YES!! fuck. (ici émoticone avec la bouche en S)

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