Did fall down on my knees, but did not ask the lord for mercy. Just wondered how the fuck I ended up here. I mean, I remember most of it. But there’s this blur, like the moment between day and night when the lights are not on yet, but the sun is gone. I’d say a year… Maybe two. Lost. Lost because I have no recollection of living. No memories of specific moments, happy or sad. No feelings either. A great acheivement our house is. A monster house. A monster of a prison, where I cannot find myself. Where I’m lost, where my voice has disapeared, where I have faded.
Then one day, one night, one minute, I don’t know, I was crying. And I was here, I was alive, I was still me. I was crying for the first time over myself. I was crying over me, whom I thought I had lost forever. But I’ve found myself again. But so much pain. But now what? I’m at the crossroads, and no lord will give me mercy, for I will not ask. I will get it myself thank you very much.
Is this your writing?
well, yes! Except for the first line. c’est les paroles de Crossroads de Robert Johnson:
I went to the crossroads, fell down on my knees
I went to the crossroads, fell down on my knees
Asked the Lord above, have mercy now, save poor Bob if you please
The Johnson part… classic blues 😀
But the rest was well writen. Bookish.
Thank you 🙂 guess you have to grab the inspiration whenever it passes!
I wanted to make a impressive comment, but I cant find the words. Your post just kind’of sturck me.
spyder, don’t worry I’m the same, whenever I read someone else’s post and it touches me, I can never come up with something interesting to say 😉 but I take your comment as a compliment, so thank you 🙂
I sat at the crossroads for 2 friggin years before I said fuck it, I’m going this way. What way that was? I don’t know. I do know I’m not in that dark place anymore, at least not everyday.
Beautiful post.
Really very true. You could easily spend MORE time beating yourself up over at the crossroads and which way to take, than to just pick one path and go. You can’t rewind time, so you’ll never really know if the other way would have been better, so no use spending time pondering that either…. just keep on moving forward. 🙂
stephaine: thank you. and I think that I’ve come to that same realization… the fuck it one. just take the damn turn and live with it.
rock808: you’re right! at some point we have to let go, and just MOVE!