Oh the joy

of the cycle of the moon, the cycle of the blood

Last month I was 4 days late, now I’m 5 days early. What the fuck is my body telling me?

Get some rest, relax, let go, forget, remember, exercise, eat better, get some sleep, let GO. Of everything. It’s getting too much to bear anyway.

If I don’t leave some things behind, they will drag me down forever. It’s not being blind. It’s about acceptance. It’s not denial, hell, I’ve been looking at everything too closely. Not denial. Just letting go of unecessary shit that haunts me, that keeps me from settling, from looking at other things, from thinking about other things.

I know where the weight is. I know exactly where the rope is tied. I think I’ve only made half assed efforts to untie it.

I’m still looking for balance. If I let go of everything, it’s too much, if I don’t it’s not enough to come up. Keep some, lose some.

But the deeper I look, the heavier the weight gets. So, definately have to untie, to cut, to sever if necessary. I need to breath.