There are moments, I think, ok, I’m doing pretty good, this day is going fine. Then for a reason, for a word, for an idea, it just crumbles. Black returns, tears knock, knots get tighter. One line, one sound, one note, I’m lost. Fuck the storm, I hate her. I just want peace in my head, no winds, no rain, no debris flying all over the place, hitting me, cutting me, making my blood pour.
I want sunshine to illuminate my soul, a gigantic gust of wind to take the shit away. I want my eyes to settle, stop jerking around. I want to feel alive in the morning, not like a fucking corpse.
One note, one word, one line, one idea turns me around. The other way would be nice too. Is there a ladder down the rabbit whole? Maybe it’s not a rabbit whole, maybe it’s dark in my head because of the blinds I left closed. Open the blinds then, no? Haaa, but see, open the blinds, then open the windows, where is this all going to end? Maybe I’ll just take a peek first.