Deaf dumb and thirty
Starting to deserve this
Leaning on my conscience wall
A face stamped on the very first riff.
Gone, gone, should be fucking gone by now.
Yet I still find myself on my hands and knees howling.
Yet I still look back for a glimpse of reality.
All this to remember I was still a woman.
All this shit to remember what it means to give.
Nothing in return. Just an empty shell. Again.
How many times will I give thinking I will receive?
How can the idea of being posessed be so seductive?
Does swimming against the stream sound too ordinary?
Do images stay that long?
Starting to deserve this indeed.
One year has gone since my birth. And suicide.
Fall will be hard the breath.
Because I have disconnected my life support.
The smells will remind me.
The sounds will remind me.
The cold air will remind me.
That I was dead before. That I have died again.
I want to deserve myself.
I want to be worthy of me.
I. Will. Not. Go. Back.
To no one, to nothing.
I am my own gift.
So get the fuck out of my way.
Ok, on se pousse, fâche-toi pas !
Joli le nouveau design.
I am my own gift.
The swan if gonna fly soon 😀
coyote: j’suis pas fachée! je vous avertis à l’avance par contre. merci 🙂
dave: yes, after getting up, walking and running, I think the time has come.
I will not go back as the one I once was. I am a woman, nothing less. Merci Swan. I will keep these words close to me, if you allow me this favor.
Being possessed is seductive because it abolishes one of self-responsibility yet allowing the enjoyment of basking in destructiveness.
Trust me I was there for the last 4 years.
j-julie: once they’re here, they’re everyone’s. as long as I get a cut if you make any cash from them!
chad: oh I trust you. try 20.
Swan… I was referring to possession by another person (not parents). Depends how vague and indirect possession is, it can stem into many things. If I was to consider myself possessed by my fears, then it would go back some 20 years as well…but I choose to take responsibility for all of it, even when choosing to give it all away in the fraudulent chase of love.
ah Chad… I was not referring to my parents either. I will not give you all the background here, if you feel curious, please read my archives. it will be 20 years in January that my boyfriend and I are together.
taking responsability for what I chose to give away throughout the years is what my chase is about. and finding balance, as in everything.