Not even loose grasp

I can’t remember. Just can’t remember at all. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, hoping the scents will stir something inside. I’m thinking, did this really happen? Reaching far down for any remnants, lingerings or ghosts anything at all that could testify to

Of. Google isn’t helping either. How could I let go of something so big, so important, so significant? How could I erase full pages, paragraphs that made me shiver clenched my throat rocked my body?

How could I? Live thinking this was the way, this was it. Then it eased itself into an undistinguishable blot on my canvas. It’s a fucking mess again. Layers to be stripped, coats to be shed. I can’t even let go long enough to concentrate on thinking about it. It’s as fleeting as anything I’ve ever had the chance to hold.

Don’t want it back. I just wish it never left. Just wish I never let it go.