that word

I was thinking thinking that I can do this as easily as it would be to sit and do nothing since it’s all in here. All in here but the thing is I have to let it come out. Obstructed funnel.

So, I was thinking, one of these days, yes. Then one of these days came and still nothing. I’m sitting here, sleep deprived, semi-drunk, heartbroken, lonely and desperately mute with the loudest loudest loudest fucking party in my head and I am NOT invited.

call the cops

If you didn’t care, what happened to me, and I didn’t care, for you, we would zigzag our way through the boredom and pain. Occasionally glancing up through the rain.

we. that. word. we. will be the end of me.

you know when the end comes, all they will say is, all she wanted was to be loved. by any means necessary. I was thinking that. no way, no fucking way. but all I can do is get angry at myself again and again. and it’s the easiest thing in the world.

I drive men mad. away. and so I was thinking that we business is just an excuse to get me some free abuse. once I wrote I wrote forty thousand words to explain why and how and yes it hurts but it’s ok because that’s all I deserve that’s all I’m good for. I’ll deny myself my bed, food, water, but do anything. any. thing. for we. and don’t you understand that that’s what you need too? can’t you see that. I’m just mad. insane. I was thinking I can’t say that so I’ll write it but. it’s all the same. my mind is gone along with the words.

all changes saved

iwasthinking
iwas
I think I was somewhere
went

I was going places I had dreams I had no we but a strong I and then I. went mad. that’s where. occasionally glancing up through the rain.

10 thoughts on “that word”

  1. McComber says:

    …Who was given a pat in the back…

  2. McComber says:

    …Who was told what to do
    By the man… 

  3. Is everything for ever frozen so you can’t go back and changed them, not for her, not for yourself, just for the reason of letting the chance of possible WE…The pain sometimes brings to life a new way of seeing each other. The silence can make the flowers bloom in a different color. Please, just let the sun in and admire the diamonds that will sparkles in her eyes…

    I invite you to read this: http://maillageexquis.wordpress.com/2010/11/08/le-banquet-de-verre/

    Maybe would like to follow the footsteps left in the snow after you went away….

  4. J’aime beaucoup ce texte… Freestyle. Sad, but warm!

  5. DAVE ID says:

    Better to fly sole than to clutter your wings with dead weight. There’s no rule that you have to couple. I’m pretty much the same, I function very strangely in a couple. It’s better for everyone, myself included that I walk alone. My fucked up childhood probably fucked up my adulthood.

  6. Gordon says:

    Bonne 2012, sweet swan!!!

    (Je sais, j’ai pas choisi le bon post. J’ai choisi le dernier pis je m’assume anyway.)

    Une vraie de vraie belle 2012. Lumineuse, dopante, fertile et tonique. Tout ce que tu veux, bella.

  7. swan_pr says:

    Éric: You gotta be crazy, you gotta have a real need.

    Ideesinvotro: Merci pour tes bons mots. En fait, je suis une elle 🙂 Trouver les diamants, en faisant abstraction de “l’autre”, voilà une encore plus grande mission. Read more here, you’ll see, the sun always ends up shining.

    Dave: I’m hard headed. And I know I’ve been beating this idea to death. And as much as I hate to admit it, I agree with everything you say. I also know that we’re pretty much the same in this regard. Don’t need more dysfunction. Yet… You know? I still hope.

    Sandra: Assume away baby. Je t’aime comme ça. Je passe chez toi pour des voeux 🙂

  8. Vincent says:

    Hier à Reykjavik, j’ai vu un Swan et l’ai pris en photo dans sa petite mare d’eau noire, gracieux comme un ange, avec des gouttes d’eau qui dégouttaient du bec ou des larmes, je n’ai jamais su, mais j’ai pensé à toi.

    Je te souhaite un gros fucking loud party en 2012.

    Vincent

  9. swan_pr says:

    Patty!!! Je me sens si mal, j’ai passé par dessus ton commentaire et n’ai pas répondu :/ Je te remercie donc du dit! Freestylin’ 2012, on fait-tu ça?

  10. swan_pr says:

    Vincent: c’est bien connu, on pleure du bec. Merci beaucoup de la pensée et des souhaits, je suis touchée.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *