Monsters

It’s looming lurking checking me out. Waiting for a weak moment, a distraction. Then it’s going to hit me, showing no mercy, not a fucking care in the world.

-Who decided you deserve a break? Just because I let you feel good for a few days doesn’t mean you’ll get a whole week without me!
-I just thought
-You shouldn’t think, it doesn’t do you any good. Don’t assume anything.
-Fuck you.

There I said it. No pill’s gonna cure my ill. I’ve got a bad case of “fuckoffimtiredofthisshitimactuallytiredofmyself”.

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I’m thinking about my mom again. She’s probably around, trying to tell me something, I don’t know. I have to write about when she died. I did, once, to a friend. I also realize that I’ve been ignoring my “father issue” since she’s been gone. It’s obvious why. The past may haunt me from time to time, but he’s still here. She’s not. I know I always loved him more than her, she knew it too, but there was nothing she could do about it. And since she died there was no reason to adress that, no one to notice, no one to bring it up, no one to blame me for that. It’s bothering me now. I don’t see that in my children, not the way it was for me. It might be in their hearts, I ‘ll never know. And don’t want to.

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Still working on a new template. Found a nice one, just tweakin’ now.

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Merci du lien victor 🙂 wow, je trouve jamais ça ces liens là moi.