Besoin: urge

Besoin: urge
all day
roughdirtyhardoutofbreathshakes kinda thing
the sea
the sun
j’ai besoinfaimenvie
je désireveuxriendemanderjusteprendre
just take me
i want to givetakehave you all over me

Invisible soon

I’m fading
Away, retiring
Drawing back
Forgetting how to feel
Letting go of the gloom
Yet not letting in the light

I’m fading
Unlike the memories
Unlike your touch
Unlike your smell
Unlike your taste

I’m fading
But not forgetting
How good it can feel
How deep it can get
How big it is

I’m fading
Into the winter
Into the colors gone
Away from the presence
Into the nothingness of the cold

Receding, withdrawing
Not erased yet
Just fading

Your eyes

All over my words
All over my thoughts
Thinking you understand
Thinking it’s about you
Thinking it’s about him
All over my soul
Looking for the truth
All over my sins
All over your faults
All over my words
My words
Just words

Your eyes
Looking at my heart
Spying on my thoughts
Watching me breathe
Was I gasping here?
Was I panting there?
Do you see my craving?

Your eyes
Do they see?
Do they see my blood?
Do they see me getting closer?
Do they see me closing the door?

Look away now
For your eyes may burn
For your sight may be damaged
For you will never see me like I was
For I am not here anymore

Of anticipation and aftershock

Anticipation, expectations, quake, aftershocks.
Anticipation, all there is to it. It’s all there still.
Expectations, promises, deceptions, hopes, promises again.
Quake, a little tight. Still, earth shattering, feeding, ending the need, prolonging the longing.
Aftershocks, patience, smile, happy, empty, when? now, later, never, who knows.
A little tight.
A little dirty.
A little.
Anticipation… Everything it should be was.
Expectations… Too many, not enough, the hunger gives.
Quake… In the past, present.
Aftershock… In the future.
Again? now, later, never.

I went down to the crossroads

Did fall down on my knees, but did not ask the lord for mercy. Just wondered how the fuck I ended up here. I mean, I remember most of it. But there’s this blur, like the moment between day and night when the lights are not on yet, but the sun is gone. I’d say a year… Maybe two. Lost. Lost because I have no recollection of living. No memories of specific moments, happy or sad. No feelings either. A great acheivement our house is. A monster house. A monster of a prison, where I cannot find myself. Where I’m lost, where my voice has disapeared, where I have faded.

Then one day, one night, one minute, I don’t know, I was crying. And I was here, I was alive, I was still me. I was crying for the first time over myself. I was crying over me, whom I thought I had lost forever. But I’ve found myself again. But so much pain. But now what? I’m at the crossroads, and no lord will give me mercy, for I will not ask. I will get it myself thank you very much.