The cliff

No matter how I looked at it, the height stayed.

A thousand hours spend thinking about how and why and is this really necessary.

A millions words, not meant to harm, not meant to push away.

Thrown before me, in the hopes that they would dissapear.

But they floated. They waited. Watched me as I pondered how badly I needed to jump.

There is no other side. No invisible bridge that will take me across the gulf.

Only… I still hoped you see?

All my Words, waiting for me. Like smiling demons. Like crying angels.

And as I jumped I put my hands up in the air.

They couldn’t figure out if I was reaching out or giving up.

So they watched me fall.

And I watched them watch.

One day I’m sure I’ll reach the bottom.

I don’t know when, I haven’t looked down yet.

The bill

I figure I’m entitled to something. Anything. Just entitled.

Whatever I get usually has a price tag on it, and sometimes includes some of my blood as currency.

If it comes free, it usually is a payback from past actions. That I’d rather not be reminded of.

As it is, my life at check out will fit in a lunch paperbag.

Straight ahead

I jumped off one of the last cliffs on my present path. I’m terrified. Relieved. Sad. Afraid. Proud. At last.

Who links to me?

I know it’s a pain in the ass. I’m sorry. So here’s a code line to save 10 seconds:

Je sais que c’est chiant, je suis désolée. Alors voici quelques codes pour vous faciliter la tâche:

Open new window/Ouvrir une nouvelle fenêtre:
<a href="" target="_blank">An Unexamined Life</a>
<a href="" target="_blank">swan_pr</a>

Within the same window/Ouvrir dans la même fenêtre:
<a href="">An Unexamined Life...</a>
<a href="">swan_pr</a>

Thanks so much to all of you. I really hope you continue the journey with me.

Merci à vous tous et toutes. J’espère que vous continuerez l’aventure avec moi.

I should incorporate your links at my new adress within a few days. Thank you for your patience!

D’ici quelques jours je devrais avoir incorporé vos liens à la nouvelle adresse. Merci de votre patience!

Suivre les plis

Je me disais qu’alentours il faisait chaud. Que c’était de moi que venait tout ce froid.

Je me disais que dehors l’air étais frais. Que c’était de mes poumons que sortait la mort.

La mort par batch. Remplie de c’est plate, ça fait mal, j’en peux plus, où j’ai mis ma tête, combien de temps ça va durer, pourquoi, pourquoi, pourquoi.

Des respires entravés. Des toux creuses. Sèches.

Je répète, je reviens, je disparais, je m’efface, je retourne là où je ne devrais pas être. Éviter les pancartes. Éviter les autoroutes surtout, c’est pollué de mort.

Je transporte ma température. Un trailer qui achève. Les pneus aux fesses.

Petites routes de campagne, voyager léger. Un point com ma destination.

The hours

Ohhh things are piling up again. Avoid looking at the clock, that helps. No matter how much I know, understand, I manage to fuck up good once in a while. I wonder if it isn’t intentionally. Some way to cling to… what? It’s just stupid and doesn’t make any kind of sense. Being good should be simple, according to every single tv show I watch. I should be ashamed, no? Shame. Ugly, ugly word. Belly cramps word.

There is no comfort. No respite. No reason. I live my life like I’m trying to get out of freezing water. Numb yet hurting. Out of breath.

The moment. It is now. I remind myself everyday. Now is the time to live.

I can’t escape. Not because there is no way out.

Because I belong here.

Bienvenue! Welcome!

That’s as official as it’s gonna get. You know the place.

Coming soon…

Moving from

God damn this is nice!

Just need a decent theme.

Strange, so strange

Well, it seems that life has taken over my need to write. I have so little time. I apologize to anyone that has left a comment to which I have not responded. I read them all though (and your blogs through bloglines), and always appreciate and welcome them!

My new home is set up! I’ll probably be moving over the weekend. If you’re curious, you can always go and have a look, but there is not much to see… I still have to find a nice template, put in a few plugins… And basically learn to use WP. So far I love it.

You are welcome to leave comments and suggestions, here or there. It’s just a shell really. Until I move in! I’ll be importing most of my posts over there. Yes, I said most. Not all of them. But everything here will stay intact.

I hope to have time to post here a few times until next week. I don’t know. I’m doing this from work… Then again, not much can shut me up. And PMS is right around the corner… so. Oh yeah, you’ll hear from me.

Ça s’étend

La tombée de la nuit, après un marathon illuminé… Je suis toujours ici, à fumer ma cinquième dernière cigarette.

Bientôt un nouveau blog… Nouvelle adresse… Vieilles questions… Anciennes peurs… Jeunes ambitions…

Rien de neuf pourtant. Rien. Le bruit de la fan de ma machine me dit qu’il serait temps d’écouter une nouvelle toune. Genre celle qui joue dans la cour le dimanche après-midi. Non, pas les crisses de tondeuses qui faussent. Une grille de tick tac toe géant, c’est ce que je vois quand je regarde par la porte patio. Des antres bien définies à la clôture Frost. Ne me laissez surtout pas piétiner vos foutues plate-bandes. C’est pas grave. Moi j’ai des framboises qui poussent sur le bord de vos barricades.